managing fear and anxiety in your family

During these challenging and uncertain times of responding to the Corona virus Pandemic we are overwhelmed with information from various sources and being requested to submit information to many agencies so they can gather statistics.  It can be difficult to filter what is needed and what is relevant and applicable in relation to COVID-19. Coupled with the need to continue to live safely and continue your day, it can be difficult to manage the fears and anxieties of yourself and your family. Social media information and viewpoints can be an added distraction as people search for the meaning of what they are experiencing and ways to cope in their personal life and their work life.

Experiencing fear and anxiety is different for everyone and we all cope with it differently but there are common behavioural, cognitive, and psychosocial symptoms to observe for in your family.

I don’t profess to be an expert on any of this but I have observed a lot over the recent weeks.

Behavioural symptoms

Family may not want to go to work amid fears of being exposed to the virus or for fear of carrying it and passing it on to others. They may show signs of panic and an inability to stay calm, resulting in what may appear to be an overreaction to situations they would otherwise cope with. They may appear agitated or irritable which may result in their inability to meet commitments or responsibilities at home, or at work. Their ability to perform activities of daily life will be affected due to the ‘lock down’ and restriction of what would normally be available services and resources, such as shops being open or an empty house to clean.

Some family and friends will rise to the challenge and take the lead where they would otherwise be a wall flower or a follower, whilst some will completely fade into the background and become withdrawn and wait to be told what to or wait to be led.

Cognitive symptoms

Concentration and focus can be difficult when you are experiencing fear, uncertainty, and anxiety. One may feel like they are coping well but the observations from yourself or other members of your family may be completely different.

Some people fear the worst and look for the worst possible outcomes that may affect them or their family. This can be difficult to manage as the negativity can spread and evoke a fearful reaction to family members who were previously coping well and getting on with things as they now have a seed that has been planted that they cannot remove from their thoughts. This can be compounded and fuelled by the negative media coverage and the focus on deaths related to COVID-19 rather than the number of recoveries in the Government’s clumsy attempt to control our movements and slow the spread of the virus.

These fears may appear to be irrational to an onlooker but are a very real part of the person who is experiencing it. It’s their reality. Some of these thoughts may become obsessive and uncontrolled as the lack of social contact and face to face communication is hindered by enforced self-isolation and restriction of movement not to mention the lack of physical contact due to social distancing.

We are social beings, we like to be tactile and give each other a reassuring pat on the arm, touch of the hand or hug when we see someone in distress, and it is comfortable and appropriate to offer support in this way.

Being confined to the space of just your home and workplace can be hard to adjust to and one may feel like they are going crazy or suffer what we call ‘cabin fever’. This can be amplified further if you live alone and your only contact with the outside world may be those who visit of deliver a service to your door. You may have been cut off from your community group which you attended regularly.

Psychosocial symptoms

As we try to cope with all the changes and restrictions to our movement and we adjust to the lack of availability of essential items we take for granted every day we may begin to feel helpless and out of control. We may experience mood swings, hopelessness, and despair. We may feel disassociated from our colleagues and family and friends and have feelings of being left out or that nobody cares how we feel or what we are going through.

You may see people going about their daily lives and feel that they have not really grasped or understood the gravity of what the nation is experiencing. This can result in behaviours where one may challenge someone’s good intentions and it may come as surprise; it is nothing personal to you. The person challenging is trying to understand your coping mechanisms in comparison to theirs.

Feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, low mood, negativity, complaining, blaming and shaming can creep in without you even noticing.

Managing yourself and others

Aa a member of a family you may  feel like you have to be the one to lead and put on a brave face, but far from it, there are ways you can all cope together and support each other through this crisis. Your family will surprise you and their efforts will enable you to see attributes and skills in them you may not have noticed before.

Below are some top tips to build you and your family’s resilience whilst navigating through this unfamiliar journey.

• Recognition of where we all are right now and what we are going through and the ways it affects us may be a huge sigh of relief for members of your family. They seek the reassurance in knowing that their reactions are not ‘abnormal’ or disproportionate. The mere acknowledgement that we are in trying and uncertain times and the people we look to for advice and guidance will make mistakes and learn from their lessons also will alleviate stress and anxiety and reduce the fear of the unknown. To be able to say to your family, “I too am fearful and worried” will motivate them to rally together.

• Take time to sit and talk about what you are experiencing and how it is affecting you and your family and their performance. Do it regularly, daily, it only needs be the time it takes to drink a cuppa.

• Maintain the perspective and filter out what the media is telling you, make it real, stick to the facts and apply it to your family situation or workplace and how it affects you. Does it affect you directly or indirectly?

• Collectively come up with ways to meet and address challenges. You may need to make some adaptations to overcome them, but it will make your family stronger and they will own their actions. Be creative and find ways to get through.

• Understand that some will be coping better than others, draw on each other’s positive strengths, we cannot all be the same.

• Support each other, even if it means family members have to work outside of their usual roles and responsibilities for a while, again it will build your family’s resilience

• Be kind to yourself and each other

• Be present. You can only control and influence what you are doing right now. Make whatever you are doing the best it can be. Do not worry about the big wide world. You can only affect change with the contribution you can make to it.

• Appreciate each other, communicate this regularly, we like to be appreciated.

• Be honest with your family, you are only human, they will respect you for it and respond better.

• Frequently review the progress and the positives and negatives. Learn from them and affect change and coping ability.

• Stay true to what you believe and know to be right and ethical

• Find ways of keeping communication channels open.

• Use humour and have fun, it does not have to be all doom and gloom. We cope better when we lift our spirits.

• Use this as an opportunity to build your family and bring you closer together, get to know them.

• Share your coping strategies as a family so you can support each other better

• Touch base with your friends regularly

• Journal at the end of each day, just 5-10 minutes to empty your thoughts will help with maintaining perspective

Be prepared to learn a lot about yourself and the members of your family.

We will come through this.

I have recently been practicing an Inner Ease Technique

The Inner Ease Technique

Practicing Inner Ease generates a peaceful feeling and creates “flow” by helping to regulate the balance and cooperation between our heart, mind, and emotions. Doing this practice regularly will help raise your happiness level.

1.   When you are stressed or your heart feels shut down, acknowledge your feelings as soon as you sense that you are out of sync (feelings such as frustration, impatience, anxiety, overload, anger, judgment, etc.)

2.  Heart-Focused Breathing: Take a moment and do heart-focused breathing: put your hand on your heart area and pretend you are breathing in and out through your heart. Breathe slowly and gently, until your breathing feels smooth and balanced.

3.  During the heart-focused breathing, imagine with each breath that you are drawing in a feeling of inner ease and infusing your mind and emotions with balance and self-love from your heart. (Research from the Institute of HeartMath has shown that radiating love and self-care through your system activates beneficial hormones and boosts your immunity.)

4.  When the stressful feelings have calmed, affirm with a heartfelt commitment that you want to anchor and maintain the state of ease as you re-engage in your projects, challenges, or daily interactions.

Once you are familiar with this technique practice as many times a day as you can. You will feel the benefits and changes it brings, not only with yourself but with those around you.

(Used with permission from www.HappyForNoReason.com who have the permission of the Institute of HeartMath www.heartmath.org )